In past couple of weeks we've been training knee-on-belly attacks at RFLX and a couple of thoughts struck me while I was having my diaphragm repeatedly crushed.
The first thought started as more if a question to myself. And that question was, "what is the worst position to be caught in while rolling BJJ?"
You could argue for many of course, the gogoplata for example...where you have no choice but to determine whether or not your opponent has trimmed his toe nails lately during a most uncomfortable close inspection, not to mention the feeling of a shin crushing your windpipe. Then, of course, there is the feeling of dread and mystery when somebody takes your back and you're left to wonder, "which of many horrible ends will I endure very shortly?"
In my opinion however, there is no worse position to be stuck in than knee-on-belly. Reason being this, there is no position more clearly emasculating than one in which another man (or woman...I've had females steal my soul from this position as well) pins you to the ground, jams a bony knee into your soft midsection and stares you directly in the eyes! Argh! It's horrible!!! You lay there, gasping for breath as another human being pins your guts to the mat, and then smiles and grins at you while counting to ten-Mississippi. In my opinion, it's the worst.
Apparently we are learning knee-on-belly escapes next week...a class that I will pay special attention to.
The purple belts at my gym seem to love this position.
Probably because in their conniving-purple-belt-brains it clearly demonstrates to the world that they have a level of knowledge and technique far superior to us lowly white-belts......But I digress.
Speaking of purple belts, the second thought-provoking thought (?) I had recently came as the result of a recent randori session I attended at which the class was rooting for a white-belt to succeed with a particular technique he was attempting against a purple-belt.
This open cheering of the white-belt produced from a purple-belt the comment of, "how come nobody ever cheers for us? the (often disregarded, experiment with your technique and come back when you feel like you're ready for you brown-belt) purple-belts!"
So I thought to myself, that seems to be true...but I wonder why?
Then I figured out why.
The reason nobody roots for the purple-belt is this. Purple-belts are the worst. Just kidding....kind of. But really, purple-belts are like the middle child in a family of five. They're not naïve and cute like the cuddly little newborn white-belts. They don't have the entertainment value of a blue-belt toddler who is walking and talking but not making sense. They aren't useful like a brown-belt who can babysit while the parents are out....and they certainly haven't gotten a girlfriend and a driver's license like the black-belts.
They're basically like Stephanie Tanner from the 80's sitcom Full House.
That's why nobody roots for the purple-belts......unless of course they are going against a purple-belt from another academy...then we're all about them!!!
Nobody messes with Stephanie while Uncle Jessie is around!
Hope you enjoyed this week's post.
Yours in BJJ,